Pastor Matt's Blog

Why men hate going to church - reflection on David Murrow's book

2011-05-26T13:17:00.000-07:00

The book, Why Men Hate Going To Church by David Murrow has very effectively shown how the growth in the church has historically ebbed and flowed depending upon the attendance of men in church. He has also showed readers that there is a strong tendency for men to avoid church for a number of reasons.

First, In a “pop quiz” Murrow asks the readers, “Which one [of these lists] best characterizes Jesus Christ and His true followers?” Try it out…

Left Set	Right Set
Competence	Love
Power	Communication
Efficiency	Beauty
Achievement	Relationship
Skills	Support
Proving oneself	Help
Results	Nurturing
Accomplishment	Feelings
Objects	Sharing
Technology	Relating
Goal oriented	Harmony
Self-sufficiency	Community
Success	Loving cooperation
Competition	Personal expression

After showing this chart to hundreds of Christian and non-Christian men and women, more than 95 percent choose the right set as the best representation of true Christian values. Murrow then explains that he “culled these lists from chapter 1 of the best seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.” The left set includes the values of Mars and the right set includes the values of Venus. He continues to explain how this is a common reflection of how people in our society perceive Christ to be more feminine and reject the values found most often in men. This definitely provides some food for thought.

Many women were involved in the early church during and after Jesus’ earthly ministry. They were a key element of traveling band of disciples as they went out to spread the news of the kingdom. But, was Jesus’ ministry style feminine? No, He stood up to the chief priests and Pharisees, He overturned tables in the temple, He fell asleep in the hull of a boat during a great storm, and he was the leader of a group of very manly men who faced death for their beliefs.

Was the growth in the early church due to a greater focus on loving and comforting values more regularly associated with women, values of harmony, floral designs, passivity, and sensitivity? No, it also had great focus on a kind of faith that was risky, powerful, aggressive, and required heroic sacrifice. It was mission driven and project based, there was a beginning and an end and every day offered new adventure for Jesus’ followers. Men and women were given different roles and served a different purpose in the activity of the early church. These were based on the personality, physiological, and social differences of each gender to bring the greatest growth period in the history of the church.

Not only do men need to be in church, the church needs men. Studies have showed us that “when a mother comes to faith in Christ, the rest of her family follows 17 percent of the time. But when a father comes to faith…the rest of the family follows 93 percent of the time.” Any given Sunday, there are 13 million more women in worship than men in every age category (61% women, 39% men). Today 20-25 percent of married women attend church without their husbands. The male participation, or lack thereof, then produces an uneven expression of the church, leaning heavily to those who participate more – i.e. women.

George Barna found that women are more likely than men to participate in (shown in percent more likely)…discipleship 100% more likely than men – Sunday school 57% – leadership 56% – small groups 54% – discipling others 46% – devotions 39% – volunteer 33% – read the Bible 29% – attend church 29% – share faith with others 29% – donate 23% – to pray 16%. Men are also less likely to participate in organizations within churches, such as LWML, which is why these womens’ organizations are so strong, yet virtually non-existent among the men. So, not only are there less men, the men who are present are still being out volunteered by women in almost all of the program ministries and spiritual disciplines of the church. Women also purchase 75% of Christian consumer products (books, music, gifts). The church has become something more commonly associated with women, which is why men avoid church, opting to stay home, watch sports, or go fishing, golfing, or work in the yard.

Honestly, I may not win points among the women…including my wife, but I’m not writing this to win points. I am, and David Murrow is, trying to get people to see something that can make a major difference in our congregation’s ministry to the community. In order to address this tendency in the Christian church and our own congregation we can do a few things that may make a difference. Show appreciation for the men in the congregation, give men something to do during events, learn about how Christianity might be able to stretch into a more aggressive, sacrificial, powerful, and risky faith.

Fathers’ Day is coming and we hope to involve men in the building of an outdoor grill and counter for barbeques. Men are competitive, so we want to install some horseshoe pits for men to play horseshoes during church fun events, and we have been talking about having a monthly “Shooting At the Range”, for those who like to send projectiles through the air at over 1000 feet per second into a target. There are many other insights and tons of information on men’s ministry at churchformen.com, or you can always read a copy of Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow.

Lastly, a note from the Murrow reads, “the answer is not a male-dominated church. I am not advocating the ‘submit to me, woman,’ brand of Christianity in which men are kings and women are pawns. Not only is this model unbiblical; it doesn’t create spiritually mature men. The answer is a balanced approach…that allow both masculine and feminine expression in the church.” Murrow says that the book isn’t primarily written for pastors and church leaders, he wrote it for laywomen…that may be you, so give it a chance “before you throw it across the room”.

Where are we going?

2011-04-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest questions being asked by Christians across denominations and throughout North America is, “What is in the future for the Christian Church?” If you truly want to know the honest answer, read on. However, if you think you have the answer or you are unwilling to consider change from how “it used to be” don’t bother reading any further. Honestly speaking, If you think that the only way the Christian church can be restored is charted in the past, don’t read this article. If you don’t take criticism well, STOP HERE!

As I was reflecting on the past year at Light of the Valley, there were many times that God just showed up and led us into His great blessings. This church is blessed with a very friendly family, a wonderful facility, a desire to learn about the Bible, and a genuine desire to “be the church”. Just to name a few.

I also found that, while we have been growing, we have also been lacking in participation in Evangelistic efforts. The Evangelism committee has been low on attendance for meetings, flyers for big events have not been distributed to the community when they are available, and only a few people have expressed concern for the lost. I can’t just say, “So, fix it.” Genuine concern for the lost is something that can only be stirred up when a person realizes that the church is becoming increasingly irrelevant and ineffective to the world around us.

Recent studies of American church attendance records indicate that past statistics are misleading and those surveyed lied about their church attendance. George Barna has reported a growth in the “unchurched” population (those who have not attended a regular church service in 6 months), showing that the unchurched group has grown from 24 to 34 percent in just ten years.

In another study, Thom Rainer of the Billy Graham School of Evangelism has narrowed the “believers” down by generational participation. In his study of 5,200 people (1,300 in each group), Rainer found the percentage of believers making up various generations according to the following groups: 65% of Builders were believers (born before 1946), 35% of Boomers (1946-1964), 15% of Busters (1965-1976), 4% of Bridgers (1976-1994).

This is a powerful message to today’s faithful to put away our pride and open ourselves up to the fact that we, as the church are missing the boat! If things continue the way they have been, the church will become just another marginalized fringe group. Is that the witness of living faith you hope to see alive in 50 years?

Reggie McNeal writes, “[The church world in North America is] a world that has largely forsaken its missional covenant with God to be part of a kingdom expansion. It has, instead, substituted its own charter of church as a clubhouse where religious people hang out with other people who think, dress, behave, vote, and believe like them.” To what extent do you think this description is fitting for Light of the Valley?

To a certain extent, I believe we are responsible for this…we cannot blame it on everyone else. Which means we need to repent and become the solution to the mess we are in and the road we are on. In the coming months, we will focus on how we can address this culture that is ingrained into our church. The goal will be to seek ways that our witness is truly faithful and effective at providing what this world needs to be reconnected to God’s church.

This means that I will need to preach different, get to know the community more personally, approach the Scriptures with a different set of lenses, and lead the church in transitioning to a more effective ministry of the gospel. Honestly, this scares me. It scares me because that means I’m going to have to make decisions that not everyone will like, I will have to ask questions that are uncomfortable for people to answer honestly, and I will need to experience failure at times. My comfort will be in knowing that I am going where my conscience leads. I pray you will join me in this wholeheartedly…if you haven’t already.

Snake found in church trash

2011-04-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

Don B. found a snake in the church trash can. I thought it a little funny that it was the week after Easter, as if he knew where he belonged after the resurrection.We did let it go free, he isn't really the devil, just symbolic.

More to come soon!